Identity

A dear friend presented me with the question of how I identify myself in terms of gender, as well as the relationship between that identity and my personality. She then asked me to write about my thoughts for her.

Before I present my reply, I would like to note that this will not be my only post about identity. Knowing yourself is one of the best ways to pull through tough times. It includes realizing what your goals are, what your problems may be, and having the confidence to confront and pursue both. From there, you can then better understand your relationship with others, because inevitably, communication becomes easier with the self-confidence of knowing who you are and how you would like to develop.

Knowing yourself also means knowing when to ask for help, whether from family, friends, or other counseling figures. I have certainly had trouble with this in coming to know myself. I am confident and independent, but sometimes that means that I forget that it's okay to ask for help. I think that my worries are foolish or unimportant, and for a while I even felt that I forgot how to ask for help. Somehow, it still comes as a relief when I talk with a friend or family member who doesn't belittle my concerns the way I do for myself. It felt better to even say to someone, "Something doesn't feel right." Even if I may not know what I need to talk about, the comfort of knowing that someone is there to listen produces enough consolation that I can take a step back from my worries and figure out what is bothering me.

With that said, here is my reply:

It took me too long to write this. I over-thought how I would phrase this part or that part, and then wondered if I would sound too extreme or too moderate. I feared that I would leave something out and sound ignorant.

Now, the irony does not escape me that I was the quickest to respond to my friend’s question about how I identify myself, and yet, quite late on my promise to write for her this guest post.

I am a female. I have the anatomy of a woman. But, in terms of my personality in light of today’s gendered culture, I would say that I have a masculine personality. I am aggressive. I like to be in control of things. I like to be the leader. I am independent.

And I am still female.

My most recent thoughts on how my gender and personality co-exist are that I often assume a maternal role. Mothers are generally accepted as protective, and in doing so, aggression, strength (emotionally and physically), and assertion pay off.

Perhaps some would argue that mothers should be subservient to their children. I doubt they are reading this, but I would ask them this: who is most likely to be a child’s first role model? I certainly know mine was my mother, and her mother, and my father’s mother. This isn’t to say that I have horrible paternal figures. That is far from the truth. Rather, I identify with women who were not ashamed of themselves.

I identify as myself, and all that that may entail. I over-think things. I want to be a nice person. I like playing with my hair. I don’t feel entirely comfortable in skirts. I was the girl who terrorized boys on the playground. I am the woman who wants to solve the world’s problems, and the woman who sometimes needs to remember to step back and solve her own, first.

But in the end, I know who I am. Do you?

Introduction

Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"
Time after time I think it's just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose
But you got the love I need to see me through

Paladin and Dragon is the work of two recent grads, who have spent most of their collegial careers mending wounds physical, emotional, and psychological. This blog is intended to be a compendium of their knowledge and wisdom.

About us:
Paladin is a highly sensitive and skilled empath, a trait he's had all his life. Combine it with his overwhelming drive to do good, and a healthy dose of compassion, and you begin to understand his nome de plume. He specializes in major trauma, having suffered just about every trauma one can throw at him.

Dragon is a young woman determined to share her optimism and individuality. She specializes in assisting others with rationalizing their hardships, offering a listening ear and open arms.

What we do: Working separately (usually) or together (on the rare occasion), we have treated or mitigated a wide variety of mental and emotional issues amongst our peers. We must warn that we are NOT professionals, merely gifted amateurs. One of our biggest pieces of advice (and one we hand out often) is to see a trained, professional therapist or psychologist. However, for those of you who don't need, or aren't yet ready, to see a professional, we offer what skills we can. From here on out, we will be dispensing our advice, with each post focusing on a particular issue. Guest authors are welcome.